No one has had a much greater influence on pop culture than the King of Pop himself, Michael Jackson. Though his personal life may have pushed his musical talents as a song writer, performer and entertainer into the limelight, it will be his best qualities that will be truly missed and forever remembered.
"The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials."
Saturday November 1st, 2008 @ 12:16
Everything feels so surreal. Sometimes I have a hard time believing it. I feel as if it's too good to be true, I have to step outside of myself just to make sense of it all and even then, it still feels like a dream.
I feel so blessed. Everyone should be this happy.
Saturday January 27th, 2009 @ 02:08
I'm falling apart.
My heart is breaking.
I cry every night.
There has to be a reason why.
Saturday March 7th, 2009 @ 08:51
Like I said, I won't try to control love and hold onto it when it's slipping away. So I'll learn to let him go. If we're meant to be, we'll be together again.
As much as I miss him, it just doesn't feel right when we're not together. I'm hurting enough as it is and it's eating away at me. I am stronger than what I give myself credit for. I don't know how I've managed to hold myself together. It's challenging, but I'm enduring.
Wednesday April 8th, 2009 @ 00:25
Time passes. Wounds heal. You laugh and you cry; that's life.
Forget the way he made you feel. Forget how safe you felt in his arms when he'd hold your body close to his. Forget the warmth of his skin and the tenderness of his touch. Forget every time he lightly stroked your cheek or placed your hair behind your ears. Forget every kiss he laid on your skin and every word he whispered in your ear. Forget all of those times he made you laugh and put a smile on your face.
Remember that things have changed. Remember how he broke your heart. Remember how he left when he should have been there the most. Remember those nights you couldn't sleep because all you could do was cry. Remember you don't owe him anything - he forfeit any privilege that day he called it quits. Remember that you're not together anymore.
And know that you deserve better than this - you deserve to be happy.
You know it's a good day when, out of hundreds of songs, the first song your iPod plays in the morning is Someday by The Strokes.
This song is accompanied by a lot of bittersweet memories. Thankfully, they're more sweet than they are bitter. In regards to the lyrics, I really wish I had listened to what Julian Casablancas was singing the first few times I heard this song. It was an omen. It felt almost like he was singing the song for me.
CLICK (for lyrics): Another Unkept Secret
Someday by The Strokes
In many ways, they'll miss the good old days
Someday, someday
Yeah, it hurts to say, but I want you to stay
Sometimes, sometimes
When we was young, oh man, did we have fun
Always, always
Promises, they break before they're made
Sometimes, sometimes
Oh, my ex says I'm lacking in depth
I will do my best
You say you wanna stay by my side
Darlin', your head's not right
See, alone we stand, together we fall apart
Yeah, I think I'll be alright
I'm working so I won't have to try so hard
Tables, they turn sometimes
Oh, someday...
No, I ain't wastin' no more time
And now my fears
They come to me in threes
So, I
Sometimes
Say, "Fate my friend,
You say the strangest things
I find, sometimes"
Oh, my ex says I'm lacking in depth
Say I will try my best
You say you wanna stay by my side
Darlin', your head's not right
See, alone we stand, together we fall apart
Yeah, I think I'll be alright
I'm working so I won't have to try so hard
Tables, they turn sometimes
Oh, someday...
I ain't wasting no more time
"It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it."
My title comes from a status update of a friend on Facebook. After reading it, I sat on my bed for a good few minutes and contemplated everything that I would do only for love. I couldn't really think of anything. This can't be true. There has to be something.
Lately, it's been beautiful outside. I love hot summer days. The summer season never fails to bring nature and I closer together. And in a different way, it strengthens my relationship with God. I feel more attuned to his presence and I'm able to see him in the beauty that surrounds me. It invokes a happiness that is best enjoyed with the company of a good friend. Perhaps this is why the idea of basking in a summer love is so enticing.
"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us."
Just a little. That's how much I missed him when walking around the lake today. During those winter nights, I often envisioned the both of us walking by the lake hand in hand on one of those beautiful summer days where a cool summer breeze would be blowing in the air. The sky would be bright blue, illuminated by the sun whose rays aren't beating harshly upon our skin because the puffy white clouds are reflecting them away.
Spent an entire day walking around downtown on Sunday with two special alcoholics in my life. A Little Taste of Italy. Kensington Market. Chinatown. Lakeshore. MMVA's. And back again. I really could have done without the crowd at the MMVA's. It was like drowning in a sea of people. It's not air you're breathing. It's carbon dioxide. People panicking left and right. Ridiculous, really. But it doesn't overcast the finer details. What a perfect way to spend the first day of summer.
CLICK: Another Unkept Secret
All the things I could have done with you that we could have done together, will just have to done with someone else. And maybe, it's better this way. After all, you can't be associated with every experience. You said so yourself.And by the time I come around to doing these things, I'll no longer be thinking of you.
I'm sorry. I take that back. That was a little harsh.
"A great book should leave you with many experiences, and slightly exhausted at the end. You live several lives while reading."
"It is not enough for two people to find each other, it is also very important that they find each other at the right moment and hold deep, quiet festivals in which their desires merge so that they can fight as one against storms. How many people have parted ways because they did not find the time slowly to grow close to each other? "
I think language is a beautiful thing. When reading what people write, I find it more aesthetically pleasing when people don't type in stupid. Sure. Slang might be cool, but I find it a little annoying when it becomes excessive. Only after you know the rules are you allowed to break them.
hOw aNNoyiN wUd iT b if i tyPeD lyK DiS aLL dA tYm?
^ Just looking at the above makes me want to vomit.
The movie "Marley & Me" made me cry during three specific parts. It made me think about what it'd be like to have a family. I know I'm young, but I also know that one day, I would love to have a family. When on my death bed, I couldn't say I have lived my life as thoroughly as I could without having one. I have dreams. And those dreams need fulfilling.
"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain."
"The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time."
It's okay to cry. To let out every single ounce of frustration in tears. It just further proves you have a heart. Even if it is broken. 
CLICK: Another Unkept Secret
I found this while rummaging through my Quantitative Methods notebook today:
Monday November 3rd, 2008
"... I don't know why, of all people, he chose me... Sometimes I feel like reality has become a dream where everything is just too good to be true.
When he looks at me, I can't believe he's right in front of me. How did I become so lucky? What did I do to deserve someone like him in my life? I know we'll have our trials and obstacles to overcome, but like he said, "Together, we'll win."
Nothing this great is ever free. They come with a cost - their own sets of trials that test how you'll handle different situations. It can make your heart waver, or grow stronger with the one you're with."
It's a dream short lived that sent me into a nightmare. I was the opposite of lucky. I still don't know what I did to deserve someone like him in my life - more specifically what he did to me and what I allowed myself to go through because of the slightest glimmer of hope. "Together, we'll win." Only words. Empty ones at that - no matter how true they may have been. Nothing that great is ever free. I paid the cost. His heart had wavered.
Yes. I am more than capable of being a big ball of cheese, but the reason I'm posting this is to remember how happy I was with him, and to remind myself that just because we're no longer together, it doesn't mean I can't be happy - if not happier - with someone else.
"Even more, I had never meant to love him. One thing I truly knew - knew it in the pit of my stomach, in the center of my bones, knew it from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet, knew it deep in my empty chest - was how love gave someone the power to break you. I'd been broken beyond repair."
I am so thankful to God. The beginning of the year was really rough for me, but I knew that if I kept on pushing forward and taking care of the present, He would surely take care of the future. And by placing all my trust in Him, He would help see me through the storm. After all, "there is no trial he would bring me to that he wouldn't bring me out of."
As of late, I've been struggling in trying to make ends meet financially. After checking my email this morning I received an email from the International Scholarship and Tuition Services notifying me that I have been chosen as a recipient for a scholarship that I had applied for back in February. I don't feel lucky, I feel both truly blessed and thankful. In a way, I feel like I'm being given a second chance and this time, I'm seeing more clearly.
En ce moment, life is beautiful and I ended to bask in this little bliss. You are free to join me.
"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned."
There are so many things I would love to have. When I look around me, I realize that I already have enough. In that moment, I also realize that enough is plenty and in that, I find contentment.
Something I do not find contentment in is my growing desire for some TLC. It's a tough dilemma to want to partake in those activities and refrain from partaking in them while not in a relationship. I think about sex more often than not. When I'm not thinking about it, I'm dreaming about it. I dream about the build up - but to my dismay, that's where it always ends.
I spoke of this with Gonzo this morning. Apparently, I am a very sexually frustrated individual.
Thank you.
"It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all - in which case, you fail by default."
I've just discovered foundation. I've known of its existence, but I was skeptical about ever using it. My favorite look is au natural because it's clean and simple and I believe that ladies should allow their natural beauty to show. Now I realize that the right foundation enhances beauty and lack thereof does not diminish it.
At Ulta, after Bobbi had finished applying i.d. Bare Escentuals Mineral Foundation to my face, I liked it so much I bought some for myself. The foundation also has SPF 15 which is an added bonus. It goes on light and one can definitely build the coverage to their preference. I personally prefer wearing less because less is more.
I am now a believer in foundation. I don't wear it often because don't want to grow so used to it that I'll feel ugly when I'm wearing no make up at all. Also, I like allowing my skin to breathe more often than once in a while.
CLICK: Another Unkept Secret
She stares him up and down, noting the detail and effort he put into completing his ensemble pour la jour.
"... You are so high maintenance," she says.
"Yes well, some of us actually like to look good," he retorts.
Self esteem is important. Wearing the right attitude is more important than wearing the right clothing.
P.S. When a lady takes off her make up at night, the woman you see is who she really is - flaws and all. To know she is beautiful in her imperfection, is her beauty perfected.
"For Attractive lips, speak words of kindness, For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people, For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry, For Beautiful hair, let a child run their fingers through it once a day, For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone. People, more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed. Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself and the other for helping others."
"It's so hard to forget pain, but it's even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness."
Sometimes I strongly dislike this mouth of mine. In more ways than one.
It's such a tricky compromise. There are things I know I should keep to myself but can't if people need to know the entire story in order to understand how I feel and why I feel the way I do.
If I tell you something in the strictest confidence, I really hope you don't betray my trust. Otherwise, I don't think I could bring myself to trust you again.
I think I'm deliberately hurting myself when I look for or look at things I know would only make me feel bad. Yes, melancholy sweeps easily over me, but I'm also finding that the more I expose myself to the hurt, the pain involved grows smaller. I've also been trying to replace it with a different emotion.
I find it easier to be angry with someone. Then again, I don't like being angry. It's a double-edged sword. Being angry never solved any problems. It's better to forgive than to hold a grudge. I find that the two are inexhaustible, but the latter is does the soul good.
Anyways, I won't be making any sense if I don't get any sleep. So soon after having come back from my vacation from life, I'm pushed back into the deep end where school and work demand my attention. I'm not complaining. I'd rather be caught up in life than wallowing in my own misery. Pity parties would be the death of me - that is not the woman I want to be or be seen as.
As difficult as it may be, I love my life. [With or without you.]
"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born."
"Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving."
I am hooked on Harpers Island. I have my Ate Nanie to thank for that. After watching episode 7, I'll finally be caught up. I might just buy this series when it comes out on DVD - it doesn't matter how gruesome it is. It makes for a good marathon. I wouldn't buy it because I'd already know who the killer is, but watching it the second or third time around would make it easier to look for clues that could have pointed to the real killer.
Right now, these are my current theories about who the potential killer may be and the reasons behind my speculation.
1. John Wakefield - Sure the Sheriff says he shot and killed John Wakefield, Yes, there is a body in the coffin at Wakefield's grave, but who's to say that that body is really Wakefield? After Abby, Henry and JD investigated the Sheriff's office, we saw postcards with "Liar" written on them from around the USA. We also saw a recent picture of Wakefield. Maybe, just maybe, he's still alive.
2. Jimmy Mance - Sometimes the "good" guy always ends up being the killer. It could possibly be Jimmy because he is unaccounted for at the time of all the gruesome events. There are two things that counter this argument. The first is that if Jimmy was always on the island, there is no way he could have committed the first murder. The second is that he was with Shane when "PSYCHO" was written across Shane's windshield with the deer whose throat had been cut out. The killings on the island have begun once Abby returned, and we learn from the first episode that Jimmy is an old flame. Also, in the latest episode, Jimmy got to the hotel and found everyone really quickly as soon as the lights went out. There is no reason to suspect him at all, and it's always these ones you have to watch out for - no matter how much of a heartthrob they appear to be.
3. Henry Dunn - I don't care how many good memories I have on an island, if people I loved were murdered there, there is no way in hell I'm returning to that island to get married. We know that Henry's parents are passed away so we don't know who his real father is. There have also been killings off the island similar to the Wakefield murders. Henry hasn't been living on the island for years and only returns to visit during the summer. Now that Abby, his best friend, is on the island again, the killing spree has started. If it is Henry, what is his motive behind killing Uncle Marty and his brother, JD and why would he want Abby dead?
4. Abby Mills - She could be suffering from a split personality at this point. She knows the island inside out. At the beginning of every episode we see a brief second of her mother hanging on the tree with her eyes open. Maybe it's a sign. She could possible be looking at Abby wondering why she did that to her. Also, since Abby hasn't been living on the island since the murders, she could have murdered all the people similar to the "Wakefield" murders off the island. Perhaps her dad, the Sheriff, knows she's suffering from and is blaming John Wakefield to cover her tracks. This theory is no fun, though.
5. It could be TWO killers working either together or independently.
Abby has a strong relationship with all the suspects. After reading other theories, I'm also beginning to think that Abby is Wakefield's illegitimate daughter. Abby's mother must have had an affair with Wakefield, or did have one - I forget. There are numerous motives Wakefield could have for killing her and wanting to kill Abby. The reason he's left the Sheriff alive all these years is so that he could suffer the loss of his loved ones. If Wakefield couldn't have Abby's mother and Abby, maybe he didn't want the Sheriff to have them either.
Whoever the killer is, he/she wants Abby dead. I'll have more speculations as the weeks go by. In any case, Madison scares me.
Right now, at this very moment, I've found conviction in my reason as to why two people cannot be friends so soon after the end of their romantic relationship. One person has to hurt while the other one moves on as quickly as the relationship ended. Unfortunately, I drew the shorter stick.
Coursing through my veins right now is anger tinged by jealousy. I have nothing to be angry about. I definitely have nothing to be jealous of, but these emotions are triggered when my progression to recovery has been slowed. I'm angry that it's slowly coming to a halt. I'm angry that my recovery is taking so damn long. I'm jealous that happiness has temporarily slipped from my grasp.
Moving on would be such an easier task if my heart weren't so big. If I didn't have a heart, there wouldn't be one to break. My heart could just be cold and selfish, but it's not. I could be a real bitch - but that's not who I am.
I'm angry with Facebook myself. For being bored and clicking around from link to link. For seeing things I don't want to see but can't ignore. For allowing the past seep into my head and linger in my thoughts.
When is enough enough?
CLICK: Another Unkept Secret
This past Sunday, at the Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception, I knelt down before an alter and I prayed.
I prayed for many people. You were among those people, as was she. I prayed for the both of you. Why? Because I want you to be happy, I really do. I prayed for her because I hope she's the one for you. If she makes you as happy as I hope she does, I see no reason as to why the two of you shouldn't be together. With her, it seems to me that your life is moving right on schedule.
That's also why I can't bring myself to talk to you. Who am I to deny you the chance and a great relationship and her the happiness she deserves? Right now, I'm a piece of your past incarnate and I refuse to meddle, but if I stick around, that's all I'll feel like I'm doing and it's not my intention. After all, a fragment of my feelings for you still exist.
I feel it's better this way. It's better that we don't talk. I now know how much it hurt you to hear my voice over the phone all those nights of endless conversation. I know because I feel the hurt too.
The cards were right. That's a little scary.
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment."
My dad brought me to work and parked inside the mall. He said he would wait for me while I wrote down my new schedule.
When I saw the store, it was almost unrecognizable. It was much bigger and the back room was huge! Walking in, I saw one of my coworkers and proceeded to give him a hug. I saw a lot of new faces. Apparently, my manager had hired thirteen new staff members - some of who were really snobby. When I finally looked at my schedule I saw that my hours had been reduced, yet again. It made me angry and I talked to one of my soon-to-be employers who suggested that I quit my current job and work for Victoria Jackson.
I wake up to my aunt barging into the room asking me if I'm going to the shop with them. Since she said they were leaving soon, that doesn't give me enough time to shower and get ready, so I decided to go back to sleep and dream again.
Before drifting off to sleep, I thougth a little bit about Harpers Island's couples and compared them to my nonexistent love life. That's when I started missing the intimacy of my past relationship. I thought about it some more and eventually succumbed to sleep.
I was with him. We we laying down on the sofa just like we always used to do. No words. He just began kissing me and - since it was only a dream - I kissed him back. At first I pulled away but he cradled my face in one hand and placed the other on my hip to draw me closer to his body. The passion was still there. I felt it burning and I allowed the flames to consume me. I surrendered to his touch and drew my arms around his neck and combed my fingers through his hair. I began unbuttoning his shirt while leaving a trail of soft kisses down his chest. I brought my lips back up to his and felt his manhood harden against my thigh.
After giving me attitude in his response to my rhetorical question in verbal foreplay, I stood up from the couch and just walked away. I wasn't about to deal with that shit - especially in a dream. I walked over to the bathroom and took a shower to cleanse my body of his caress.
Another wake up call. My cousin asks if I'll be going to the pool with them. Ten minutes isn't enough for me to get ready, so I passed up the opportunity to catch some sun. That is why I've written down these dreams in all their absurdity. I haven't dreamt in a while. You can blame lack of sleep for that.
Wal-Mart is awesome. I bought the first season of The Big Bang Theory on DVD for $20 US. I don't know how much it costs back in Canada, but I'll bet it's more expensive. While perusing around the TV on DVD section, I stumbled across Moonlight. Sad to say, it wasn't among my purchase. It was a little more costly, and I've already spent more than enough money here. If fate allows, Moonlight will be waiting for me the next time I visit good ol` NC. I'm still upset CBS made the stupid decision to cancel the show at only 16 episodes with loose ends hanging everywhere.
I don't know what it is that makes me so materialistic sometimes. I always feel that I want more, even though I know otherwise. As if I need all the new clothes and shoes. I'm not so big on jewelry, though. I don't like things that rust or tarnish. That's why I'm so selective with the jewelry (or lack thereof) that I buy. I've tried visiting thrift stores, but I seldom find any treasures. 
Going back to television, another really good series that I've been hooked on is Harpers Island. It's a combination of drama, horror and suspense. Even though the genre may scream otherwise, it's a breath of fresh air from all the comedies I've been watching. It's new too, so it's easy to get caught up.
There's still more crap flowing through my brain, but I'll save that for a different post. I just feel I haven't genuinely updated in a while. Be prepared for a tsunami of blogs.
"It is better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you are not."— André Gide
"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone."
"I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying."
"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it."
Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following questions. They have to be real...nothing made up! If the person before you had the same first initial, you must use different answers. You cannot use any word twice and you can't use your name for the boy/girl name question.
1. What is your name : Rae
2. A four Letter Word : Real
3. A boy's Name : Raymond
4. A girl's Name : Raine
5. An occupation : Research Biologist
6. A colour : Rouge
7. Something you'll wear : Racerback Tank Tops
9. A food : Rainbow Sushi
10. Something found in the bathroom : Razor
11. A place : Rio de Janeiro
12. A reason for being late : Rush Hour Traffic
13. Something you'd shout : RUN, [insert name here]! RUN!
14. A movie title : Revolutionary Road
15. Something you drink : Rum
16. A musical group : Realm Music Group
17. An animal : Rabbit
18. A street name : Rose Alley
19. A type of car : Racecar
20. The title of a song : Reptilia by The Strokes
21. An Insult: Reject
22. Compliment: Radiant
My mind has been conjuring up a lot of really, really sinful thoughts as of late. I find it's growing to be quite unhealthy. It can be due to the combination of several factors:
1. Heat
2. Deprivation
3. Longing
I taught myself how to suppress these urges a long time ago. Then again, going back further than a long time ago, these thoughts never crossed my mind twice because they were just so foreign to me. Now, I'm a little bit of a fiend, but I only have one craving. I've never had such a strong yearning for someone's touch before. To have felt that touch and know my supply has reached it's poignant end is the addict going through withdrawal after having been forced to quit the drug cold turkey.
CLICK: Another Unkept Secret
"You're just going to take all my innocence, aren't you?"
"But I would never abuse it."
That's laughable.
The desire still burns within me. I'm waiting for the day the flames that burn for you disappear.
"The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits."— Albert Einstein
Do NOT use cocoa butter to prevent stretch marks while you're pregnant. The caffeine in the cocoa butter is found to cause fetal heart problems as it is absorbed into the skin.
... After learning about this, I just thought I'd let you know.
I'm not a doctor, so I'm not one hundred percent sure about this. I've read different forums, and they all say different things. I'd just stay away from cocoa butter while pregnant and instead do pilates for pregnant women.
In light of recent events, I might not be able to go to the beach. I can feel my heart breaking. Instead, we're probably going to head over to Washington. I've seen Washington a million bazillion times. There's nothing new for me to discover there... unless I search for The Templar's Treasure like a nerd. If I do end up going, I'll probably read Abraham Lincoln's speech. I didn't care for it much the last time I read it because I was forced and was too young to grasp the importance of it. Anyway, I just realized that this is my first visit to the good ol` U.S. of A. since Obama became president.
This morning we went to the pool. I managed to catch some sun and I no longer look pale and sick.
I reread over my last entry. I take back what I said about my forty day mourning period. You can't set a due date for mending a broken heart. Sure, it doesn't hurt as much, but every memory is like a minor setback. Whatever. I refuse to settle for second best and I refuse to be another option. It was bad enough the first time around.
I am loving the hot weather here in North Carolina and cannot wait to play in the sun tomorrow. My skin is in desperate need of some color and I am in desperate need of a change.
Speaking of change, my "forty day mourning period" is finally over. I feel like I'm done grieving and ready to move on to bigger and better things in life. Since I've never been in this position before, I'll be taking baby steps before I start walking. This vacation is step number one.
The rest of the summer is going to be amazing. I can already feel it. =)
CLICK: Another Unkept Secret
Lately, you have yet to cease making my blood boil. I'm sitting here, right now asking myself, why? But enough with the questions. I'll probably never get the answers I'm looking for and maybe it's better that way.
Stupid text messages. I really wish my cell phone was left at home where it's suppose to be.
P.S. Whenever I see this song on my iPod, I usually skip to the next track but since the journey was so long, I decided to give it a listen and ended up really liking it. So, you're going to have to listen to it and suffer as it is currently playing on my blog. We Walk - The Ting Tings.
"When you really love someone... I mean Love someone... You can't just have part of them. You can't have half of their heart. It's never enough. It's not because you need more of their heart so you can get more from them... You need all of their heart so you can Love them completely."- RealD
"Never explain yourself to anyone. Because the person who likes you doesn't need it, and the person who dislikes you won't believe it."- Unknown
Before I left, I purposely left my cellphone at home because I don't want to be contacted via text messages and phone calls while on vacation. En plus, there are things on my cell phone that I don't want to see but can't bring myself to delete.
At our first pit stop, my aunt comes into the car with my cell phone and the charger. It turns out one of my uncles chased after us to give me my phone should I need in case of an emergency. It was just yesterday I wanted to take my phone and throw it against the wall. Today, I want to throw it in the ocean.
I'm in a hotel somewhere in Pittsburgh. It's hot. I like it.
CLICK: Another Unkept SecretI don't know how to put this. I'll just start somewhere.
I think you're being selfish. I actually find it quite childish. Your childhood insecurities do not excuse your present actions. You have these problems because you're not facing them. You think that by taking some time off, these problems will solve themselves and disappear as quickly as they came. Unfortunately for you, that's not how it works.
Whatever. Maybe I'm the one being selfish.
I seldom use the word "hate" but, I really hate being angry. Anger doesn't suit me. In fact, it's quite unbecoming.
If you know I wouldn't do something, trust that I will not do it. I know I do a lot of stupid shit, but sabotage is not one of them. If you've ever known my heart, you'd know at the very least that I have one. Thank you for reopening my wounds by your lack of trust.
From the crown of my head to the soles of my feet, from my the surface of my skin to the center of my bones, I am a good person through and through. I'm sick and tired of everyone taking advantage of that. I'm also tired of people assuming otherwise when they haven't even taken the time to get to know me. We can't all be perfect, but that doesn't mean we don't try to be the person we can be.
I'm leaving for the beach in a couple of hours. With any luck, I'll die in the ocean and come back a new person.
CLICK: Another Unkept Secret
Today would have been our seventh month together. Seven was always your favorite number. I don't know why, after all this time and all that I've been through, I'm still grieving over what we had.
This is pathetic. I should be over you. I should be over this. I should have started trying the very night you put an end to us. But here I am splaying my feelings for you all over my blog because I can't seem to get you and every memory associated with you out of my head.
I have never been happier with anyone else, but it is also true that no one else has ever made me feel so miserable.
I would like to spend some time in the desert and alleviate my soul of the burdens I carry within my heart. Once the hurt is gone, there can only be love.
"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent."
